The Tree Up On the Hill

The Tree Up On the Hill

On the hill underneath an orange sky,
Stood a tall, dark oak tree.
Its branches reaches out on high,
In the chilling breeze they wave free.

No leaves on its branches cling,
Only vines and thorns doth grow.
No birds chirp, no crickets sing,
Only the sound of death and of woe.

A gruesome sight one beholds,
Underneath the tree dangles they,
Like Christmas ornaments covered in molds,
No life lingers here, only of decay.

Lo, comes a raven, hungry for a feast;
Of fat, rich maggots squirming,
In the rotting flesh of the deceased,
As the dead sway, in the wind blowing.

Oh how the dead cheerfully sings,
In silent chorus they rise in hymns.
The ghastly end of their sufferings,
Which life has brought, such grim.

The sun burns the tree a silhouette,
As the darkness consumes the land.
A beautiful sight one will never forget,
Underneath the stars there it stands.

-Alan Liau (Mar302013)

Headshave for Cancer 2013

Headshave for Cancer 2013 came and gone. It has been a pretty amazing year, how with each passing day comes new and memorable experiences. Some might be bitter, some might be better, all in all, it has its ups and downs so to speak, which is good for my well being.

I know it does not mean much, but this is what I decided on. Early 2000 I was back in Malaysia still, and a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. I must say he fought the good fight, and it is a relief that he came to know the Lord, and believed. He left his wife and 4 daughters behind, unfortunately. But for now they will live on to tell the story of how this experience changed him, and more so they will meet him again, but not yet.

Earlier today I received an email from a church member...

"I am passing on two prayer requests that Rebecca J brought to our attention:

Rebecca met Anna M and Jack N while on a walk earlier this week and Anna Mae said she wouldn't object to the wider church praying for her. She has recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer of the salivary gland. She is waiting to hear when she will have the expected surgery, followed by radiation treatments.

About 2 weeks ago Anna M’s uncle, Bernie R, younger brother of Peter of our congregation, passed away of cancer in Saskatoon so we could also remember Peter and his family as they mourn this loss.

Thank you for your prayers."

So for the lot out there, prayers go out to those who went through such a calamity in their lives, those who are experiencing such times, and hope the Lord will guide those who are in pain in moments like these.

 

Thanks to Kane and Brandon for joining me in this little cause. Though, I was a little sad when Kane told me that his classmates were saying negative things about his hair today in school. Maybe some day they will know how it feels like to experience such a thing in their lives... Maybe then, they will appreciate an act like this... To remember those we have lost...

My sister says: "think of it as a fresh start..."

And for me it is indeed.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

 *cheers!!*

Dearest Hobbes...

My dearest Hobbes,

It has been a while since I wrote anything that resembles a letter, I hope you will not mind of my absence from life. This limbo I have put myself in is not of a fun one, but new things I am learning through this experience. There are things that I would like to pour out from the bottom of my heart, but I have let it sunk so deep, I thought I will never see them again, but that is not what it seems.

I know I try to be the best person I can be, but it seems to me that will never be enough. These days have been horrible, though I felt a certain bliss in me that I myself cannot fathom. Yesterday was the last straw, and I knew right then that I cannot take it anymore. I was so frustrated from work that I put myself in the worst position ever. I fractured my hand in a fit of anger, and now I have to suffer for something I do not deserve, or do I?

To be away from work today made me feel really good. But I cannot hide the fact that I have been thinking about my past more and more, and the worst is when I thought about the time when I was so much younger and the horrible things I have done without thinking of the consequences. And now it has caught up to me. I am in a state of shock, I have never forgiven myself for doing such things, and I will never. Attempting suicide was the best answer I came up with a couple of years ago. It felt like the right thing to do because of what I did.

Somehow this time, I chose to face it straight on. I am afraid, however, that I might lose this struggle. Knowing that doing this alone will require all of me, the best of me to be precise, but I am not the best. I am ashamed of what I was back then, and I am afraid now that I will not be capable of doing this by myself. Maybe this pain, has reminded me of my weaknesses, yet, I have endured so much... Will this be my last stand against my very being?

I wish I can hold you in my arms again like so long ago, every day I am grieved of your passing. I know, deep down you have been waiting for me, and throughout all these years I wish I can see you again. I wish I can have a friend, a friend whom I can share all this with. Someone who will understand, and accept the person I am, a partner who will cherish my existence. But it seems loneliness has knocked on my door and welcomed itself in. I am afraid I will let it stay, because I am beginning to feel that no one else will walk through that door again.

What will I do if this is the plunge? The start of many bad things are happening,  and I feel the descent right this moment. If I do not make it out this time, I hope you will understand. I am weak. I have been struggling to move on, and I have limped my way day by day. No one will notice such a loser, and no one will ever care to look back and say: "Hey, hurry up!" That encouragement is now gone, I know my family cares for me, but this loneliness is ever overwhelming to face alone. I feel everyone is moving on with their lives, and I am losing what is left of my sanity.

Does it matter anymore? If this is my last letter to you, please forgive me. I have not been the best for you, but you were the best that happened to me, and I am grateful to be someone to you. I wish this letter could have been in a better note, but please bear with me.

Until next time, my dearest friend.

-Alan

Life

 A big congratulations to the lovely couple! Melissa Ee and Aaron Liau on their much blessed matrimony.

There is only one wish on this end, that is, to be with the family I have missed for so many years, all of you have been in my heart throughout all these miserable years out here. I wish I can put it in a brighter tone, but, that seems to be the truth lingering.

 Though, I suppose in future years when people would look back at these pictures, they will not notice my absence and I can go peaceably without anyone knowing. That will be a good set up for things to come in the near future. Either way, everyone will still be happy, knowing these days will be happy days for the union of two individuals.

May your future be brighter than the midsummer sun, dreams soar beyond the edge of the universe, and accomplishments that dots more than the milky way.

And may this family know the true meaning of life, the next generation they entrust their hopes and dreams to. May our hearts be at peace, and our existence acknowledge by the fact that

we

are

Infinite. 

Scripture reading... @.@

Six years ago I was part of a church back in Malaysia. I have served the youth ministry and attended church regularly. I was not that faithful of a Christian and I had moments when I believe my sins are too great to be pardoned. Having low self-esteem does not help with the matter neither. So when I moved to Canada I was in distraught. I never went to church and I was in the "wilderness". I pretty much blamed myself for all the sufferings I was going through, and believe me, I was in a rut. It was the act of a kind person who brought me back, and I never had the chance to thank her for doing so.

How I ended up in a Mennonite church is beyond me. The Lord works in mysterious ways I suppose. The story behind it is of a bitter one, sad to say, but without my friends I might have not been alive to see this day. It is, kind of a funny story. Looking back things were seriously bleak, but I had to say the gloom turns out to be of a fascinating one. Light shines when darkness is about, and thus how I ended up here. It would be interesting to tell my kids further down the road, of how dad ended up in a Mennonite church, well, if I ever have kids...

Last week I was given the opportunity to take on scripture reading for today's service, and the matter came with such surprise I was shocked and I became nervous. I used to be confident in doing that, and mind you I have led a church service back then, but I am new here, and everything is now new. I played the guitar for youth and I have participated in so many things back then... I tried to attend church regularly and have been successful as of late. I was a stranger but all of a sudden I felt there is light about me, and I was given hope amongst the dismay of this life. At first I was hesitant, but after a moment of thought I decided to give it a try, after-all, I am just a stranger here.

If this is my calling, then I have answered. No matter what church it is, but for now it will be a Mennonite church. It will be an honour to serve the Lord again, be it as little as shaking hands with the person next to me, I will do my best.

It has been a long while since I last sent any pictures back home, and the vintage-cam app is giving me a lot of problems as of late. So here's for my family.

Well, keep in mind all my hair will be gone come March 27th... If you are reading this, come and show your support at the University of Lethbridge atrium for Headshave for Cancer.

Hmm, I forgot what I wanted to say, got distracted by my brother's text message. Anyways, till next time!

Oh yeah... We are in the middle of lent now... kind of heavy stuff going on at church, how we need to examine our lives and what not... Maybe it is time for me to look into mine, and see where I must go. But for now... I'll just leave it at that...

*cheers*