It has been a while since I last wrote you a letter. Never a day goes by without me thinking of you. To know you are in a better place puts my mind at ease, but I am now between a rock and a hard place. Stress level is unbelievably high and there are so much going on right now. I wish you are still here with me, lately it has become more and more unbearable knowing things are not working out as I hoped it would.
My hands are outrageously poxed with eczema due to the stress I am going through for the last couple of months. All I wish for is comfort from another human being. A hug, or slight touch, or just some comforting words that might bring my spirits back. But from what I see, comfort is hard to come by nowadays. Yesterday when I got off work and got into the car I started crying so hard. I felt so broken I do not know what else I can do.
With how things are going there is really nothing I can do to ease the horrors of getting deported due to changes made by the government in regards to my work permit extension. There are so many things I need to consider and take care of if I do go back. There is my car first of all. I love my car... But to part with it is way worse than anything else. I have the house to worry about, the things I have over the last 7 years, and Kane to worry about as well. I can deal with leaving some things behind but this is a life I have built for the last couple of years here. To go back means having to start over again, and even if I get my PR, which I do not even know if I will be able to get, coming back means I need to start all over again and not like I can just start where I left off.
All I can do now is hope. I am at a time when things are changing, and I am affected by this change. Time and circumstance I suppose... I have one last resort and hope things will look up. Please, please work...
Before I end this letter I just want to quote from futurama...
"Nibbler: What is one life weighed against the entire universe?"
"Fry (in tears): But it was my life..."
That is how I feel right now... The feeling of hopelessness and nothingness...
I miss you very much Hobbes, and I hope to see you again when I go to the other side.
with Love,
-Alan.
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